When I get upset

When I get upset, I sometimes want to cry. But I've learned not to shed my tears easily. However weak, sad, or insecure I am inside, I try not to make it looks so obvious. When this happens, I have trouble breathing. Today, I really feel like shit and I blame myself for things that happen to me and I feel like I no longer want to live anymore. But, I know the cure.... I spend a lot of money, eat a lot of spicy food, drink alcohol, singalong to music. These things don't make my trouble go away but at least I feel better and I can think more clearly.